sign of the times

First of all, i would like to thank God for the rain. It brings back the good memories of my childhood. The generic feeling of happiness. I always associated rain with happiness. i didn’t win an award or anything. It only makes  me want to blog about something a bit important. I am here not to over-analyze things or rant about myers-briggs and impending diagnosis. lol. It feels strange to type on my computer since i haven’t blogged in a while. today i’m going to discuss something relevant to pop culture, particularly music. lol.

my hiatus has been caused by depression. Yes, i was diagnosed legally by a shrink. that’s the time i was waiting for harry styles’ new single “sign of the times”. i used to be a jolly type of person with a lot in mind, but i didn’t try to entertain my thoughts about depression that was taking it’s toll on me. but deep inside, i didn’t wanna listen to Harry’s new single because i knew something was wrong with me. the feeling that i don’t want to associate a nice song with what i feel. i felt like the world had stopped. technically time won’t stop for you even if you are a strong believer of fate. because time is continuous. seconds fade and even if you don’t do anything, time flies. but for me it felt like i stopped working. i missed the daily chores as if no one would scold me why am i being so lazy. i got detached with reality. there was no hope and it seemed like i was waiting for my final hours to be devoured by an invisible black hole. i have surrendered to the darkness. there’s nothing to look forward to. Until i prayed and bingo, my family has decided for me to go and see a shrink. i am currently on medications and i must say it helps me a lot. i feel like im back on track. And i now listen freely to Sign of the times. but i have to admit it had a familiar feeling on getting by depression “we don’t talk enough”. feelings should not be kept, i guess. and emotional problems should be acknowledged to be solved. My bum state hasn’t been resolved. I must admit that i’m still confused on what to do– yet im getting by. i couldn’t help but self- diagnose myself that i have add. and i’m going to discuss this once i see my shrink again. i still have problems with focus. i am not forgetful like people with dementia. but i guess i’m gonna leave it here and wait for my next appointment.

The medications helped me to stay positive regardless of the turbulent times (family problems, joblessness, confusion) dear, it could also be a test of faith, but i can say now that when i pray i am very much focused. you know what’s the secret? Cigarettes. LOL. i have found out that when i smoke while I’m praying, with a glass of water beside me, my thoughts become sharp and i could literally confess and recite everything to God. Smoking has been a part of my life– i know for some it’s rubbish. but it’s something that i want to take advantage of, if i can’t quit by now, I’m gonna use it for productivity. Like now, i smoked and had coffee to clear my thoughts and to focus on what i want to write.

by the way, i am still INTP. not relevant but i think i am paying more attention on the feelings of others which im not really good at. just sayin’. hahahahahaha.

so what can i say to Harry Styles’ single? Well. he is really tazlented and his song reminds me of the old times: Pink floyd, oasis, black sabbath and my personal favourite song, Dessert moon. harry has a good speaking voice and a nice singing voice. But personally, sign of the times isn’t my cup of tea. I know it was good. but not something to be repeated over and over unlike ed sheeran’s shape of you. (i never had this song in my playlist. i just hear it a lot on the radio lol). But i’m happy for Harry and his new album. i have to admit i am old enough for one direction. but i appreciate them because they remind me of my days in the United Kingdom. the happy-go-lucky days, the nice weather and the expensive stores. haha.

what made me write really is Niall Horan’s single: Slow Hands. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. i just downloaded it and i couldn’t help but focus on the song. the first time i saw the title i knew it was gonna be good. and intuition-wise it gave me an idea that the song would become my ultimate favourites. and so i made my mum listen to three songs: sign of the times, slow hands and attention. she said all of them were good and she recognized Charlie Puth’s voice at the end. Funny because when i listen to Slow Hands i didn’t realize that my mum was talking to me. I always loved Niall’s singing voice and if i were in my teens, i would go for Niall during One D days. I like his part in their song Better than Words. And today, I am so happy i got inspired by his lovely song, Slow hands! The song is absolutely amazing!!!!!! it reminds me of Eric Clapton and John Mayer. it makes me wat to be ready for a new relationship. LOL. the song really makes me feel good. And i’m really thankful Niall created such a masterpiece.

and lastly, i am thankful for my newfound old friend who is INTP as well. she is authentically INTP with a tinge of J because she’s organized and precise. I just want to mention it because talking to her makes me feel good. between me and her i can say that she’s more of INTP. because sometimes i act like a bratty INFP lol. i am just thankful for her we kind of reconnected again. So i guess i’ll see you around. im going to update you about my next appointment.

at the moment i can’t help but fall in love with Niall’s mew single. it’s not bad to daydream a bit of having a relationship and playing slow hands as your theme song. LOL. Ciao!

p.s. i changed my password here. im getting there….. the unified password project lol.