Procrastination

Okay. So i already have a baby and because nobody’s available to babysit we had to move to my partner’s place so I could go back to work. The problem here is my partner’s grandma smells something about me. That Im a lazy mother. Lol.

At first I hated the idea.. no scratch that. I still hate the idea of moving there. It’s normal to be anxious especially when you go out of your comfort zone but because there’s no other solution i agreed to move there. I dont have the money to hire a babysitter and i dont like to pay some stranger to look after my daughter. So the problem is i feel guilty about my style of doing things. Majority of the people would not understand someone who procrastinates and its very hard to explain your way of doing things. Then the thought of feeling guilty came through me. Am i really lazy? You cant say im not motivated. I have heard real life stories of people who worked hard to the point of burning themselves and ending up in their graves. Lol. Dont get me wrong. I am also a hardworker. I never take leaves. I could work as much as I can but in my current work my regularization got delayed because they evaluated me as confused, slacker, and like playing at work. See how they judged me? Just because i dont finish things at a certain timeframe ? Or maybe they could be right.

Like right now it’s my day off and i still have some chores to do. A regular person could finish all the work in three hours. But mine will take 13 hours. Well to be honest my style of doing things: play before work. Or play, work a little, play, play, work a little, rest, have some political discussion, eat, work a little– so this habit is considered laziness or whatever. But you know what? I have lots of energy until midnight. I never get tired. To me, stressing yourself doing something you dont like is like deducting a day to your lifespan. I could apply my habits at home. But not on my partner’s home. Lol. Okay who would enjoy doing laundry and cleaning bottles and washing the dishes? Sometimes i wish i were the other type: finishing things first then enjoying and relaxing for long hours. I could not enjoy the day without playing or talking about other things. But of course i should change my habit whrn im not at home.

The only solution to this problem is upgrade our salary to buy our own house. Well it sounds motivating. Ill just think about the quote everything happens for a reason. Most people will see me as super happy go lucky. Well thats quite true. And i stress over something that most people dont stress about. Now i feel sleepy after having my coffee. So where’s my unlimited energy then? Excuse me. Ive got a baby to look after. At midnight i will be recharged of course.

To end this post, my advice to all procrastinators, keep it up! It will give you a stress-free life.

Ill write something better next time. If ill get a good night sleep. Oh and the dirty plates are waiting for me.

The law of the coin

Obviously i am writing again after two years? A proof that i am still alive and nope, I am not feeling worse or depressed. I am writing because i had realizations last night. Call it epiphany, or whatever lol. Funny because my blog title suits this post. Fast forward to future. But before that, excuse me for my disorganized thoughts and bad grammar. Lol.

It’s 2021 and I missed 2020 because the title of my blog is fast forward to future. Whahahahahahaha. The past year had been harsh. So many calamities, deaths, disasters. What happened to the feng shui predictions that 2020 is a year of prosperity, when the world’s economy had been greatly affected by the pandemic. So to anyone who reads this, Be thankful you are still alive in spite of the disasters the people, the virus, nature or technology had done. (Nvm the grammar lol) to those who are wanting to die, Don’t. Infuse yourself with positivity. Inculcate on your mind that there are plenty of things to do. If you lost your will to do things, Seek help.

Because of technology, it wasnt that hard for us to combat boredom and stagnation because of the lock down. I couldn’t speak for extroverts, I would not understand how they felt when physical socialising had died temporarily. I am an introvert and to be honest I secretly loved being confined for two months without having no explanation why cant you meet with friends lol.

I observed that nowadays, formal education isn’t what the younger generation want, but to become a vlogger, influencer, or a game video creator. To quote from Andy Warhol, In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes”. I guess this is happening. Through videos: tiktok posts, caught-in-the act crimes, harsh comment, sex scandal, etc. What the hell happened to the world? And what’s the relevance of my blog title to this?

Facebook.

Facebook is probably the most popular app in the Philippines. Every hand of a Filipino automatically opens it, scrolls down the newsfeed while eating, working or whatever they are doing. Facebook is a coin. There’s two sides to it. A breeding ground of envy and despair for underachievers of the same age by looking at their batchmates’ wonderful timeline: brand new car, job promotion, happy family, fine dining at a fancy restaurant, etc. The underachiever then feels bad for himself compairing what he had done and why can’t he afford at least to dine at a fancy resto. Or someone who has a lame partner sees her facebook friend getting a surprise monthsary celebration with rose petals and a dozen flowers. Lol. I am not speaking for myself. Because I am the lame partner who doesnt give a fuck on those things lol. Let’s take a positive look on facebook then: for business pueposes. Since facebook has a vast social connection, you can easily promote what you are selling. You can also invite all your friends to like your gaming page just in one click. See? I used to despise facebook and i believe i have mentioned it on one of my previous posts. The inevitability of the law of the coin strikes us everyday. But remember how you approach or utilize a coin is all that matters. I personally keep my facebook because of games. To save my gaming levels. That’s it. Ow who knows some other time I would sell something. Use it as a good tool that would benefit you, not to make you feel down.

Tiktok.

I have the app but I don’t use it. I am past the stage of wanting to be famous or popular and earn easy money. The dark side of this app are the challenges. I have heard on the news that a 13 year old had died because of a challenge. Or girls selling themselves by posting an almost naked video ( i dunno if they are earning well or just loving the attention). Whores. LOL. The good side is the notion that everyone can dance. You dont have to be a professional dancer to execute moves. Also, creativity in some people sparks through a one minute video which amuses the audiences. (Applause for this). And it kills boredom for those who are confined at home. So… it again depends on the user. Use it for your own benefit, not to destruct yorself.

Youtube/vlogging

Okay. This is much easier than blogging. For those who are camera friendly. Or downright attention whores who want to get noticed and of course those who are purely talented and puts dedication to video creation. Some do it for the hobby, and some are just trying hard to get attention and get paid without working too hard or getting a diploma. Lol. It is easier because nowadays people are too lazy to read about a tutorial on how to fix things such as gadgets, diy, or home hacks. Even perfume or gadget reviews come in handy thru videos. I am not being smug or just being weird but I only watch video tutorials on fixing gadgets. I just feel like watching videos/ vlogs waste my time. Lol. I personally couldn’t sit down for 30 mins watching something. Id rather play a game or read or write.

Not all influencers have a talent. Some are just charisma. Something i would never understand. There are some vloggers with nice, fun and helpful contents. There’s Ryan Higa (international) and locally there’s CongTV. These vloggers dont have to prove themselves. I think they are doing their passion. But a lot of vloggers are simply doing it for the money, or just to brag what they have, or simply just want attention by wasting someone’s time and at the same time earning six digit or more. If you are this kind of vlogger, then FUCK YOU. Big time. Lol. If watching vlogs inspire you to become more productive in life, then kudos to you. Do what suits you. If you are a vlogger and it mirrors your creativity and talents and you influence the majority in a good way, then good luck. Keep it up!

Zoom.

Used for meetings because of the lockdown, zoom is a very useful tool in companies especially during the pandemic. Well played for the developers of this app. There is no down side to this to be honest. It could also be used for online reunions. Okay maybe the dark side for this app is the in app purchase. Lol. Cant say something negative to this app because i only used it once for a company meeting lol. And this coin remained untouched, the head facing the sky, screaming i have not hurt any human being! Can i go to heaven? If theres a final judgement for apps lol.

Omlet, and other streaming apps.

I have done some streams just for fun and i remembered one post garnered only one reaction on facebook. A 😂 reaction. Lol. A lot of filipinos try to stream, even celebrities took advantage of their fame. I also used to follow and eatch streams of AkoSiDogie because he was my crush then lol. I rarely watched streams of famous game streamers because i told you i am too lazy to sit down for thirty minutes. I have nothing against streamers if they do it for passion and charity. Bless them. It again depends on the watcher. Lol. I admit technology has made it easier for a nobody to become somebody. It just takes time, passion, hardwork and luck. I kinda dreamed of being a streamer. But not really my cup of tea. Girl streamers are mostly pretty in general with a mythic rank. Lol.

Netflix and others.

Am i the only one who has no netflix? I told ya im not a big fan of tv or cable. I watch anime on kissanime. The downside of kissanime ( bec i dont use netflix) is probably the links below which are r18. Links to porn sites. Of course kids watch anime. And technology today brings them to sites with free access to porn sites. Well i am also not into porn. I just go straight to the link, download the episodes and watch during transport hours lol. I have nothing against netflix. If it doesnt affect ypur productivity as an employee or as a paremt. Then it’s all good.

Mobile legends and other games.

This is the last on my list. Because i cant remember other relevant apps most people use. And i just had my epiphany yesterday. A lot of Pinoys plat mobile legends. There are no requirements. Just a smartphone with a big ram and a good internet connection. Pardon, because the sentences ahead are a dramatic lol.

Since I only work three times a week, In alternate schedules. (Yes i secretly love the unpaid offs lol) i had the habit of waking up in the morning starting with coffee, cigarette and brawl mode. I am not the addict type when it comes to playing ML. So i was left in the epic tier with most of my ml friends battling in the mythic rank. It has been three years and i never reached mythic. The first year was experimental. The press attack buttons without care using layla and some generic heroes. I just came to realize today after playing for a long time with max emblems and more than eighty heroes…. that mobile legends landed down as the coin showing tails: it hinders my productivity. Lol. Being the laidback kind of person i was..lol i play not for more than seven hours a day during my off. And it didnt get me to mythic rank. The probable cause of this is i rarely play rank games. And when i do, its the time where cancers are online. Those who have a good phone and connection and even max emblems (because the mlbb team said so. Bluff! ) but are poor in laning and game mechanics. I came to a point of questioning my effectivity as a player. I admit that i am too aggressive. So today i have changed my routine. Instead of playing brawl or classic games in the morning i focused on doing other things: chores, simple repairs and cleaning. I still have troubles in focusing though. But i will figure it out on how to be more productive. After all, it feels good to perspire after ten years lol even with the air condition on. This year i returned to writing. It still feels great within lol. At least i didnt hate mobile legends. I felt no remorse. Will soon play after lunch. After i had done a lot of things. This game also triggered the demon inside me. But then again, it’s just a game. Lol.

So i hope this post helped someone in need. I cant help someone with money. But somewhere, someone could be needing to hear this: do not let an app use you. Use the app wisely.

i might not know what i like but at least i know what i dislike.

no, this isn’t about facebook. I just thought of the title last night. It’s a long term problem of mine that put me into trouble, the thought that “anything” would be alright. I made decisions quickly because anything is okay. Like picking a college degree. I always wanted to work in animation, but since we’re not rich i chose something which is practical. Now i’m stuck in a rut because it’s just an okay course. no passion. no fun. but i always looked at the brighter side. i always give something a chance. that life couldn’t be that bad at all. There is always something good in every thing even if you don’t particularly like something.

now the trouble is, i couldn’t pursue animation at the moment. I almost had the chance, yet i was blinded by the alternative option to enter the university i used to love. technically it was a waste of money. I have learned my lesson the hard way. sometimes i just wanted to disappear or turn into dust because after all, the important thing is you lived your life with kindness. Supposed that i am already kind. but in reality kindness wont keep you alive. You need to have a job– because my main problem is money, i still couldn’t pursue animation./ because i would have to study again and i have no funds for that. i am going back to a practical approach. applying for something that i have no feelings for. i dislike to be unproductive so i have to chase after the things which have no appeal to me. i don’t dislike them but i don’t like them either.

the neutrality of my feelings about certain things kind of  categorize me into a non- ambitious creature. Someone who is okay with anything, someone who does what is necessary. Someone who tries to be practical and moves like a robot- with a certain program inserted at the center of his brain: be productive. help your family. So every day I wake up, search for job which has no appeal to me. it doesn’t excite me and all i ever wanted is to get hired. To some it may sound  miserable. it’s like marrying someone you don’t love– but only for the purpose of having a purpose.

I am someone who just floats around life. swimming with the current- contrary to what most quotes would say: that you must follow your passion. At the moment i have no passion for anything. i would  move blindly for the sake of productivity- and my dream, i am lucky enough if i still remembered it after the years of passionless movements in every day life. If it is still with me, then we’re meant to be together. The question is, would i take it with me when i die, or plant it somewhere where it can grow and at least be found by someone who can nurture it?