Procrastination

Okay. So i already have a baby and because nobody’s available to babysit we had to move to my partner’s place so I could go back to work. The problem here is my partner’s grandma smells something about me. That Im a lazy mother. Lol.

At first I hated the idea.. no scratch that. I still hate the idea of moving there. It’s normal to be anxious especially when you go out of your comfort zone but because there’s no other solution i agreed to move there. I dont have the money to hire a babysitter and i dont like to pay some stranger to look after my daughter. So the problem is i feel guilty about my style of doing things. Majority of the people would not understand someone who procrastinates and its very hard to explain your way of doing things. Then the thought of feeling guilty came through me. Am i really lazy? You cant say im not motivated. I have heard real life stories of people who worked hard to the point of burning themselves and ending up in their graves. Lol. Dont get me wrong. I am also a hardworker. I never take leaves. I could work as much as I can but in my current work my regularization got delayed because they evaluated me as confused, slacker, and like playing at work. See how they judged me? Just because i dont finish things at a certain timeframe ? Or maybe they could be right.

Like right now it’s my day off and i still have some chores to do. A regular person could finish all the work in three hours. But mine will take 13 hours. Well to be honest my style of doing things: play before work. Or play, work a little, play, play, work a little, rest, have some political discussion, eat, work a little– so this habit is considered laziness or whatever. But you know what? I have lots of energy until midnight. I never get tired. To me, stressing yourself doing something you dont like is like deducting a day to your lifespan. I could apply my habits at home. But not on my partner’s home. Lol. Okay who would enjoy doing laundry and cleaning bottles and washing the dishes? Sometimes i wish i were the other type: finishing things first then enjoying and relaxing for long hours. I could not enjoy the day without playing or talking about other things. But of course i should change my habit whrn im not at home.

The only solution to this problem is upgrade our salary to buy our own house. Well it sounds motivating. Ill just think about the quote everything happens for a reason. Most people will see me as super happy go lucky. Well thats quite true. And i stress over something that most people dont stress about. Now i feel sleepy after having my coffee. So where’s my unlimited energy then? Excuse me. Ive got a baby to look after. At midnight i will be recharged of course.

To end this post, my advice to all procrastinators, keep it up! It will give you a stress-free life.

Ill write something better next time. If ill get a good night sleep. Oh and the dirty plates are waiting for me.

The law of distraction.

This is the second part of the diary of a undiagnosed ADHD

There is so many things running in my head since morning and I felt that strange bolt of energy within. In most cases I compare the energy with lust. The lust for doing something which involves creativity such as writing, drawing or anything that has to do with art.

This is a quick post though, because I committed a videocall with friends at 3 pm. And i’ve got to wash my dog and give him medications too. I also have to take a bath after bathing my dog. And i have to do these in less than an hour. SOUNDS GREAT isn’t it?

I remembered that I work best under pressure. The mild form of anxiety gives me focus on what I do. And contrary to the title, these distractions would be very helpful in finishing my tasks. I already talked to a shrink regarding my mental health issues. And found out that I dont have any forms of depression nor bipolar disorder. I also submitted a copy of my Asrs test. Whatever you call it.

This morning i applied for a job, followed up my last pay in my previous work and helped a little in preparing our lunch. So i didnt review for my test today. Because my key words are money and job.

My shrink also adviced me to write down what I want to do. And think about it because I tend to do things with impulse. So it’s 2:26 and I had to pause writing. I purposely delay finishing my blog post because I want to write clearly about what I want to talk about.

2:56 P.M. I am not used to documenting what I do in details but because it has a purpose, it wouldn’t hurt that much lol. I have read an article on totally add and got into the hype. As well as my shrink said, i dont have to conform to what other people do when they review. I like games. Especially videogames. So why not turn something boring into something fun. More of like challenging yourself in doing a simple task. Of course there are distractions ahead and the challenge is do not let the distractions distract you. While i was bathing my pet, since i had to leave the medicated shampoo for ten minutes and got the chance to buy some cigarettes and a chocolate biscuit I kinda missed eating. The rule is, if ten minutes doing nothings bores you, then you can do something else by minding the time.

I am not usually like this. But i was just motivated because of the strange energy bolt i am feeling. I tend to delay things especially when it’s important. But right now I am just rewiring my brain by doing something just like when I am playing videogames. AND the relief that I am normal helped too. I am just taking advantage of the energy I have got.

Most tasks for me are quite boring. So the key is to make things interesting. Whether shallow or deep. Like having a job, is kinda boring for me. So what I think about is another keyword. LAPTOP. having a laptop is having power. Power to get another job, and with the right specs I could start doing what I love or what I might love in the long run. If i get a job then I could buy a laptop. And install games or theme maker– taking advantage of technology with a high speed internet lol. How I wish today was like everyday!

I would also like to focus on writing clearly. It takes time but by practising a lot who knows I might write soon a straight to the point article or post. Lol.

Another tip to myself is challenging myself with another game. This sounds creepy but I like to pretend that I will die in 5 years and I have to be rich before I die. lol. I act with impulse So I added a little pressure. (Because i didnt say i will die tomorrow lol). Of course theres this system in my head (sorry I havent written it down. But I am relying with keywords which I recite to remember.

To earn money is first to have a job. And I also had to test myself by applying what I have read in an online class about money management. It’s tough though. But I am in a roleplaying game. I pretend that I want to become rich. And since I love playing games I am in! LOL. sounds crazy but it is more appealing than the reality that I am close to midlife crisis and still havent got a property lol.

We have different strategies in approaching life’s struggles so I am not saying my strategies will apply to all, maybe for some as silly as me. If it doesn’t work then Ill have to find another strategy– which I consider another game. Of course I have to reward myself for the good outcome. And in order to to that I have tl remind myself of the key word: job. lol

P.s. my videocall conference has been moved to 4:30. So i have plenty of time to prepare! And i even finished a post! So congratulations to me!

And the title says distraction. Well life is full of distractions. I admit i forgot something I wish to mention. Because as I write I am kind of distracted myself. But this distraction is also a form of review. Remember that distractions are related to functions, you just have to keep your mind open and continue your exploration. I dont know who said that. Maybe it was me! 😆