You had one task.

This is a diary of a undiagnosed ADHD patient.

In my prevous posts I self-diagnosed myself with ADD. Time has passed and I am proud of myself because I learned the importance of headings when writing an article. But this is not an article though. It states on the headline that it’s a diary, duh! lol.

Regardless of that proud moment I am writing with a heavy heart. Not that someone or something died but because something is alive. And kicking! It is one of my major problems knocking again in the time of pandemic. AND IT KNOCKS REALLY HARD because i don’t have a job right now. Lol.

Today i will try to focus on my lack of focus. LOL. Funny because it came up to me dressed perfectly ready to attack me and my dear future. It happened when I decided to focus on reviewing for an upcoming exam to get me working overseas. It started two months ago, and to think of the progress well obviously I failed. That’s when I started to see that I may need professional help to see if I had a problem.

During March i thought about a lot of things: looking for a job online, setting up a small business, upgrading my heroes on genshin impact and ranking up on mobile legends with the help of strong teammates. Lol. What about the review? I did some and did well. (Two tests) and the rest were video tips. I had to congratulate myself for finishing an hour video for i have my personal limit of watching videos. Just 20 mins or less.

On April I had the opportunity to become an article writer and I thought it would help me on my review because they are somewhat related. And interrelated to my dream job as well. I gave it a go and tried my best, spending six hours straight for nothing. I am not a professional writer. Though the team in the workplace were very helpful, I decided to quit because I felt that I cannot cope with it. I wasnt being negative. But to spoon feed you with the guides you all need and I insisted to use a fork is a no-no.

To put it simply, I lacked focus in everything I did. From review to chores and other simple tasks. I also remembered my subscription on totallyadd (heyyy i know how to hyperlink lol) and somehow felt inspired and motivated that it’s not the end of the world yet. I read my favourite friday funnies and their articles. And fuck, why do I relate to their articles when I wasnt even diagnosed yet?

So in the course of two months in between the struggle in completing my tasks, (my struggle in the video game completions included but it has another story lol) I started looking for a consultation online regarding my probable ADD. I had one last month but it was only a free consultation and the psychologist tried to rule out early onset dementia. lol what the fuck? My family was aware of the consultation and my sister said i didn’t focus on what should i focus on. Lmao. So let us not blame the person who ruled out that effin dementia. OKAY. i looked for more consulation sites and decided on the lowest price. BUT since i lacked focus, congratulations, I landed a paid consultation today at seven pm. I have many things to do and think about but I am thankful to this opportunity which I had done and decided on my own (a round of applause please!) I just hope this goes well. Because I couldn’t start on preparing on what I had planned until i talk to a professional. In fact i started the day with a bang because I never played a single videogame since morning up until now. Instead I finished a 1 hour video review. It was a good start not until a family member of mine talked to me about decision making and clearing that they wanted me to get a job. Because focusing on review isnt sustainable financially. Also, i forgot it already. Because i took a large sip of coca cola. Lol.

The job issue is different. There was a misunderstanding with communication. I am kind of a robot, so i work best with a single keyword or phrase. Job. No money. That is what i am thinking about right now.

So to sum up everything, i lacked focus in everything. But before I get working on the key words, I will focus on my consultation. Because relying on a probable disorder without confirmation from a professional gives me anxiety. From small tasks to landing a job and even quests from videogames to having a family of my own etc.. it blows the shit out of my brain.

So what i need to do today is relax and hope that everything will be settled before the end of this day.

I guess i have said what I wanted to tackle. I will update this blog with the results. I just hope I dont forget my schedule and that I have a blog. Lol. That’s what alarms are for. 😄