The power of later part 2

I wasn’t the same person two days ago. lol

Yesterday I still felt the strange bolt within which motivated me to play video games all day. Then I started to worry. I worry because the shrink told me I was normal. Tomorrow I have got a job interview and I haven’t prepared yet. I also remembered ten years ago about my mood monitoring project. I quit because I forgot my twitter password lol. So to think that I am normally forgetful and short attention spanned, do i need to pressure myself again? Am I still in the game? Yep, i still remember the keywords. I have got a new motivation though, It’s becoming an android developer. I skimmed through the how’s of this matter. I havent written a list on what to do. Instead i wrote a couple of paragraphs on my series and drew some characters and here, blogging. Lol.

Sometimes the thought of my financially successful friends cross my mind yet here I am starting all over again. Lol. But there isnt really a timeline for success. I do not know and do not care about how they live. All i know is every experience I had, whether good or bad, is something that is worth living. Strange isn’t it?

I think im serious about the power of later. Lol. I am still motivated. I always remember that I only have to compete with myself, not with other people. I also need to stop worrying because i dont worry. Hahahahaha! There’s no rush. Remember to live life kindly, says the lazy person who is writing this. Lol.

7th of may 2021 update. I got hired in a hospital I have applied for. To think that I aced an interview because of lying quite a bit (well fyi i only escaped because the submission of requirements gives me a headache and i dunno where to start so i need to calm myself. Paperworks and deadlines are my weakness. My sister is currently working on her laptop and i noticed that she is annoyed with me. Well i have three days to finish all the requirements. I thought of the times i have applied and i passed through them magically. But right now seeing the sofa full of bags and big envelopes and five pieces of wallets made my way to liht a cigarette and blog instead.

One reason i dont reveal my identity online because this is my unknown realm

A lot of people are proud to reveal their identities online. With links thru their facebook account, linkedin, instagram and the like.

But for a pretentious person like me id like to keep my identity a secret. When i said i lied quite a bit because you cant tell the interviewer that i like to daydream a lot and procrastinate at work so i said the opposite. Now the challenge is make it a game again. To pretend that i am a focused person and hardworking is my middle name lol. I even flunked the test but they still hired me. Why? Because I am a good talker and I know how personality tests work (i have answered almost all kinds of mbti you can ever find online except the paid ones of course lol) so this game could be dreadful for me. But i will do my best at work and i just remembered what i read about ten yrs ago: people who love the color orange are great pretenders. Another inspiration because i loved orange since i was a kid.

These requirements are a big challenge for me. And i envy most people who dont panic and finish them like a piece of cake. It is very difficult. I also got lost a lot on getting back to my interview place. I felt that im a leaking pretentious applicant lol.

I would also like to discuss about my asrs test. But again this is a challenge for me. I would never access my blog until i finish all my requirements. Oh God help me. And thanks to those who find my blog interesting. My mind is in a rumble i dont know what was my topic on the first paragraph. All i know is i left it and came back now.

I. Can. Do. This.

muse

okay. so my sister found out this blog. before that i was wondering whether i would move to another website or create another blog. and i think that would be better. my followers won’t mind lol. because i like to keep my identity secret. i always feel that nobody is interested in my interests. and i’m actually used to it. lol. i know i am annoying because of the negative vibes i send to readers and listeners. but come on. i was just stating a fact. lololololol. i used my thirty minutes playing with js. because i’ve read in some tutorial site that you coding shouldn’t feel like a stressful work, that’s why i controlled the results. and i realized that the site i’m using is much easier than sitting in a classroom and following the professor’s instructions. LOL. i wish i could turn back the hands of time. HAHAHAHAHAHA. imagine that if else statement shit which i couldn’t grasp before, is now easy. my bad because i didn’t pay attention. okay. i am not rationalizing. i admit that i lack focus. always. and now i have come to realize that when you master some programming languages you kinda have a power to control at least a program. isn’t that lovely? it had occurred to me before. a strange voice inside my head tells me that  “you are going to enjoy this.” “you need this in your life.” lmao. well. okay enough. lololololol.

okay so im feeling hyper because of caffeine. i don’t want to entertain the feeling that there’s some good news ahead. because i don’t want to feel disappointed. this year’s a difficult year for me because it’s my saturn return. lol. so saturn will leave me this august. i could explain what’s the meaning of saturn return without looking at any website accurately, because it is one of my interests. Anyways this post is nonsense. lol.

so the question is, what do i really want to do with my life? code? lmao. let’s just leave it here. what about not saying anything but instead do something. i dont need to broadcast it. this blog is crazy. lol. and by the way. i don’t have a crush on my crush anymore. lol. why? because there are other stars which are brighter than the sun. the more far-fetched, the more beautiful, mysterious, etc. lol.again, i have big dreams, high standards. let’s say today i am a jobless loser. but the tables will turn. because this blog is inspired by the future. i may not be an aquarius, but i have a vision. the stimuli is already around 48 percent for me to become enraged and transform into a determined monster. lol. by wednesday it would probably become 85 percent hahahahahaha. vague. yes. and i like to write because i want to track my progress as a loser. hahahahahahahaha. whahahahahahahahaha. wtf. i am an artist. and i have found my muse.