it’s okay to be a nobody before becoming somebody

this new UI is quite confusing it took me 5 mins to find the “write a new post” lol

So again I’m here because Im waiting for my phone to get fully charged. I tried to clean up the clutter from our small table and of course I failed lol. I was just amazed that I have a co-worker that have adhd. but the thing is, were the complete opposite. He’s the most competitive in our batch. I based his competitiveness on the stars of course because he’s a scorpio. Lol. Little did i know he has adhd and was diagnosed when he was just a kid. So there goes the judgement of the people. They find him weird and just wants to be at the top, on the top? Whatever lol. I was wondering if he could be hyperfocused and hyperproductive at work, then why cant i? meh, i might ask him how he does it maybe its on his star sign hahahahaha! There are really some people that wherever they are, they kinda excel in what they do. Because of their drive. So my plan tomorrow is to play pretend again. I hope i dont forget. I will pretend that im a scorpio and i will surpass everyone’s productivity tomorrow! HAHAHAHAHA! I hope i wont forget this! So this is also a memory test, and a mood test! I do remember things but when i dont feel like doing it i just let it go. Lol. And also i have an alarm at 12:45 am because my daughter has a fever and i need to give her paracetamol.

okay. Back to the title. This coworker of mine is somebody. And i am the nobody. He just reminded me of the ILLUSION (i call it snd capsed it– yes there is no such word as capsed. Capsed locked it! Lol) because it hasnt happened yet! That full potential! My dream job! I mean i dont know what my dream job is yet! Lol! So there goes the problem! How do you chase a dream when you dont even know what your dream is! Before writing on this blog, i prayed to God that if i cant be good or the best at anything, then help me become the best mother for my daughter. At last I prayed for something specific while looking at the white wall in our bedroom. I even asked for forgiveness (this is kinda super duper personal but i dont mind, nobody knows my real persona hahahaha) because when I pray, i forget that im praying, and i get lost my own thoughts.

although i havent said thank you to the people who treated me like normal and not neurodivergent, well bless them. But sometimes it’s frustrating- no most of the time. Even my partner doesnt understand what is on my mind. He doesnt research about adhd. Anyways discussing my lovelife here is difficult to translate in english lol. So i forgot and then suddenly remembered it!

when i was in london i had a penpal or email pal and i completely forgotten about him until i went back home. Funny thing is, i suddenly remembered him after 5 years and reviewed my old mail. Twas my fault i forgot to reply to his email lol. To some people its just random forgetfulness but i mean this person was remarkable! He’s cute, intelligent. I wonder how is he now! But i think i have forgotten my email that i used to email him lol.

i remembered of just getting tired about adhd people getting tagged as it’s not something to worry about. Like my sister who says Michael Jordan has adhd. Well i dony know mj personally and i havent researched about his struggles before becoming a nba player. All i know is all my life ive been struggling because even though that im smart, i always get left behind! So The question is, will i ever be good at anything, or incredibly great at something? Aside from washing the dishes lol. So im waiting for that “destiny is calling” because all lines are busy now! Lol. Will i become i great writer? Or an animator or should i come back as an app developer ( the course i paid and failed lol) well i have an appointment with my Dr on one of my day offs. I wont pressure myself on knowing what career would i really like to pursue because i still have lots of ideas to the point that i have no idea on those ideas! Hahahahahaha! But im serious about my prayers! Meanwhile i hope i remember my play pretend tomorrow! I just sometimes get that feeling that there is something missing! What about nursing? Well i loved working at the ER but i i guess er is just a phase. I love working at the hospital but the people/ management are so annoying! So working from home is kinda breath of fresh air.

so i hope if anyone who reads this and have the same mind as me, dont lose hope! Who knows because were good at getting lost, destiny might find us in the right place and the right time (because we got lost! Lol)

i just remembered i have a blog after two years!

Time is 11:30 PM

so after two years how did i manage to remember that i should write here? Simple. Because i am full of energy today and i had a cup of coffee instead of chamomile tea LOL.

This morning i woke up before 6 am because I gotta get to work at 8 am. And yep i dont work in the hospital anymore. So basically the setup is now work from home. And i am not working at my home but my mom’s home. Lol. Kinda confusing? Well my mom had an accident and she had undergone partial hip replacement. Since I am the nurse in the family we decided to transfer back for the mean time until she gets fully recovered. So i have a semi-broken family set up i dont know what to call it. Whatever!

I am worried about by new phone I just bought and my mom is doing great and there is no connection to that I just remembered to clarify that my mom isnt that ill she gets into my nerves sometimes i think she has ADHD. She kind of forgets that ahe had a major surgery and tries to walk like normal. And well my phone I remember ( Im using LTE is more ill than my mom hahahahaha)

and then I realized that I, again dont know whwere to start and just trying to type what comes inti my mind.

So what happened to me in two years??? I feel kinda organized so im gonna enumerate them.:

1. I quit my hospital job because I was transferred from ER to ward. (This was the main reason I quit since I dont have that job hopping mentality because i dont like the process of getting hired– interviews, requirements etc)
2. i still have my partner Lmao. I dunno why maybe because i am financially okay? Hahahahaha.
3. Because of the stress brought by my mom’s accident and my duties as a mother and my stressful work ( we have a timer and it prompts every two mins when youre away ) i decided to consult online to get tested if i have got depression or anxiety or ADHD. Because everything was so overwhelming i Felt like i have gotten worse in performing my daily tasks.
4. since i have a new phone, this is a camera test.
   

This cockroach has been watching me for about 5 mins or more. Well if it understands me, dont move little creature, i dont have my weapon with me. Lol.

Funny because at work I was called out because of my low time on our system. And the team leaders see our activities on the computer and asked so youre having short breaks every hour? I should have said, correction! Every 30 minutes!

6. I would like to congratulate myself for having access again to this blog! Thanks to smartphones! And thanks to me because i rarely delete old emails. And i was feeling uneasy at work for the past 9 months. Btw i was just hired last March Lol. I find it stressful to sit in front of your computer doing notjing. We are required to finish 30 tasks per hour. A total of 214 for 8 hours. And i always finish the half of it for one hour only. so i remembered why not write. Since i cant force myself to do something i tend to go out, smoke, come back in two mins, jiggle the mouse, repeat. I decided to come back to blogging again. I dont vlog. It just feels uncomfortable. And i am not that broke enough to make my own reels. Lol.

so this is my last resort when i feel restless. Wanting to do something but i dont know what to do. I am always restless by the way i just dont speak to my family about it.

So before this post/ month ends i would like to inform whoever is reading this that I am now officially diagnosed with ADHD. Okay so nobody was shocked. Even me. And i still have pending counselling with the Psych but eventually i forgot to follow up when? But isnt that his job to ask me? Lol whatever. Lets just say it’s holiday season. Maybe hes busy. And oh it’s Christmas! Merry Christmas!

it’s hard to write using a small phone with new UI from wordpress. I feel kinda relieved but not yet relaxed. I wnna get up and smoke. But i thank myself for cheering me up. Its okay to entertain yourself because people are always busy! So hwre i am, reading and writing on my own blog to feel normal. Lol. Until my next post!

Procrastination

Okay. So i already have a baby and because nobody’s available to babysit we had to move to my partner’s place so I could go back to work. The problem here is my partner’s grandma smells something about me. That Im a lazy mother. Lol.

At first I hated the idea.. no scratch that. I still hate the idea of moving there. It’s normal to be anxious especially when you go out of your comfort zone but because there’s no other solution i agreed to move there. I dont have the money to hire a babysitter and i dont like to pay some stranger to look after my daughter. So the problem is i feel guilty about my style of doing things. Majority of the people would not understand someone who procrastinates and its very hard to explain your way of doing things. Then the thought of feeling guilty came through me. Am i really lazy? You cant say im not motivated. I have heard real life stories of people who worked hard to the point of burning themselves and ending up in their graves. Lol. Dont get me wrong. I am also a hardworker. I never take leaves. I could work as much as I can but in my current work my regularization got delayed because they evaluated me as confused, slacker, and like playing at work. See how they judged me? Just because i dont finish things at a certain timeframe ? Or maybe they could be right.

Like right now it’s my day off and i still have some chores to do. A regular person could finish all the work in three hours. But mine will take 13 hours. Well to be honest my style of doing things: play before work. Or play, work a little, play, play, work a little, rest, have some political discussion, eat, work a little– so this habit is considered laziness or whatever. But you know what? I have lots of energy until midnight. I never get tired. To me, stressing yourself doing something you dont like is like deducting a day to your lifespan. I could apply my habits at home. But not on my partner’s home. Lol. Okay who would enjoy doing laundry and cleaning bottles and washing the dishes? Sometimes i wish i were the other type: finishing things first then enjoying and relaxing for long hours. I could not enjoy the day without playing or talking about other things. But of course i should change my habit whrn im not at home.

The only solution to this problem is upgrade our salary to buy our own house. Well it sounds motivating. Ill just think about the quote everything happens for a reason. Most people will see me as super happy go lucky. Well thats quite true. And i stress over something that most people dont stress about. Now i feel sleepy after having my coffee. So where’s my unlimited energy then? Excuse me. Ive got a baby to look after. At midnight i will be recharged of course.

To end this post, my advice to all procrastinators, keep it up! It will give you a stress-free life.

Ill write something better next time. If ill get a good night sleep. Oh and the dirty plates are waiting for me.

What do you do when you’re in a hospital ward? Write.

My apologies for having completely forgotten that i own a blog. I just rememebered when a notification popped up on my phone screen. It still feels good to have others appreciate what you write.

So many twist and turns had happened in my life all of a sudden. THE FUCK WITH MY UNDIAGNOSED ADHD. IM A MOM NOW.

Thats how forgetful i am. A quick flashback in the past i got to work in a hospital. I struggled real hard because of the boring routine in the ward. Or maybe because im just forgetful. Lol. During evaluations in the past they always complained that how i work was unfocused, always chill and i jump from one task to another. Been also labeled as dumb but come on, past is past. Ive been working for more than 7 months and they said that i have improved. Although the chill style is still there. Little did i know that i was pregnant with my first child. (I confirmed it on my 2nd trimester)

So i was still working until my due date and did not even bother to consult what really bothered me before. Yet i was still practicing focusing on things. And today the sad part is i havent seen my baby yet. Our lives have been put in danger on my baby’s way out.but lets just see the brighter side: we’ll see each other soon once i get out of this prison. The baby is still at NICU.

Prison is what i call this ward because you are all alone. No one will assist you. This is a government hospital by the way. in a third world country. Lol. And the staff seemed liked upper rank demons. No matter how nice you are they will end up eating you lol.

To be honest im kinda nervous in my new venture. This was unexpected and with a little attention span.. i just hope it would work well. My baby’s a strong girl and i wish her a strong will. SHE’S an aquarian.. a fixed sign so maybe that helps lol. I also hope she wont inherit my undiagnosed ADHD. I will just do my best to focus on her for the meantime together with my recovery.

So for me this is a new struggle. Learning to focus on my new goal might help me focus on my next goal as if i wasnt forgetful, chill and wishy washy type of person. Lets see how it goes.

Obviously my writing isnt good enough. Because i was just passing the time lol. For my final message. Life is always hard. Choose your own hard.

The power of later part 2

I wasn’t the same person two days ago. lol

Yesterday I still felt the strange bolt within which motivated me to play video games all day. Then I started to worry. I worry because the shrink told me I was normal. Tomorrow I have got a job interview and I haven’t prepared yet. I also remembered ten years ago about my mood monitoring project. I quit because I forgot my twitter password lol. So to think that I am normally forgetful and short attention spanned, do i need to pressure myself again? Am I still in the game? Yep, i still remember the keywords. I have got a new motivation though, It’s becoming an android developer. I skimmed through the how’s of this matter. I havent written a list on what to do. Instead i wrote a couple of paragraphs on my series and drew some characters and here, blogging. Lol.

Sometimes the thought of my financially successful friends cross my mind yet here I am starting all over again. Lol. But there isnt really a timeline for success. I do not know and do not care about how they live. All i know is every experience I had, whether good or bad, is something that is worth living. Strange isn’t it?

I think im serious about the power of later. Lol. I am still motivated. I always remember that I only have to compete with myself, not with other people. I also need to stop worrying because i dont worry. Hahahahaha! There’s no rush. Remember to live life kindly, says the lazy person who is writing this. Lol.

7th of may 2021 update. I got hired in a hospital I have applied for. To think that I aced an interview because of lying quite a bit (well fyi i only escaped because the submission of requirements gives me a headache and i dunno where to start so i need to calm myself. Paperworks and deadlines are my weakness. My sister is currently working on her laptop and i noticed that she is annoyed with me. Well i have three days to finish all the requirements. I thought of the times i have applied and i passed through them magically. But right now seeing the sofa full of bags and big envelopes and five pieces of wallets made my way to liht a cigarette and blog instead.

One reason i dont reveal my identity online because this is my unknown realm

A lot of people are proud to reveal their identities online. With links thru their facebook account, linkedin, instagram and the like.

But for a pretentious person like me id like to keep my identity a secret. When i said i lied quite a bit because you cant tell the interviewer that i like to daydream a lot and procrastinate at work so i said the opposite. Now the challenge is make it a game again. To pretend that i am a focused person and hardworking is my middle name lol. I even flunked the test but they still hired me. Why? Because I am a good talker and I know how personality tests work (i have answered almost all kinds of mbti you can ever find online except the paid ones of course lol) so this game could be dreadful for me. But i will do my best at work and i just remembered what i read about ten yrs ago: people who love the color orange are great pretenders. Another inspiration because i loved orange since i was a kid.

These requirements are a big challenge for me. And i envy most people who dont panic and finish them like a piece of cake. It is very difficult. I also got lost a lot on getting back to my interview place. I felt that im a leaking pretentious applicant lol.

I would also like to discuss about my asrs test. But again this is a challenge for me. I would never access my blog until i finish all my requirements. Oh God help me. And thanks to those who find my blog interesting. My mind is in a rumble i dont know what was my topic on the first paragraph. All i know is i left it and came back now.

I. Can. Do. This.

The law of distraction.

This is the second part of the diary of a undiagnosed ADHD

There is so many things running in my head since morning and I felt that strange bolt of energy within. In most cases I compare the energy with lust. The lust for doing something which involves creativity such as writing, drawing or anything that has to do with art.

This is a quick post though, because I committed a videocall with friends at 3 pm. And i’ve got to wash my dog and give him medications too. I also have to take a bath after bathing my dog. And i have to do these in less than an hour. SOUNDS GREAT isn’t it?

I remembered that I work best under pressure. The mild form of anxiety gives me focus on what I do. And contrary to the title, these distractions would be very helpful in finishing my tasks. I already talked to a shrink regarding my mental health issues. And found out that I dont have any forms of depression nor bipolar disorder. I also submitted a copy of my Asrs test. Whatever you call it.

This morning i applied for a job, followed up my last pay in my previous work and helped a little in preparing our lunch. So i didnt review for my test today. Because my key words are money and job.

My shrink also adviced me to write down what I want to do. And think about it because I tend to do things with impulse. So it’s 2:26 and I had to pause writing. I purposely delay finishing my blog post because I want to write clearly about what I want to talk about.

2:56 P.M. I am not used to documenting what I do in details but because it has a purpose, it wouldn’t hurt that much lol. I have read an article on totally add and got into the hype. As well as my shrink said, i dont have to conform to what other people do when they review. I like games. Especially videogames. So why not turn something boring into something fun. More of like challenging yourself in doing a simple task. Of course there are distractions ahead and the challenge is do not let the distractions distract you. While i was bathing my pet, since i had to leave the medicated shampoo for ten minutes and got the chance to buy some cigarettes and a chocolate biscuit I kinda missed eating. The rule is, if ten minutes doing nothings bores you, then you can do something else by minding the time.

I am not usually like this. But i was just motivated because of the strange energy bolt i am feeling. I tend to delay things especially when it’s important. But right now I am just rewiring my brain by doing something just like when I am playing videogames. AND the relief that I am normal helped too. I am just taking advantage of the energy I have got.

Most tasks for me are quite boring. So the key is to make things interesting. Whether shallow or deep. Like having a job, is kinda boring for me. So what I think about is another keyword. LAPTOP. having a laptop is having power. Power to get another job, and with the right specs I could start doing what I love or what I might love in the long run. If i get a job then I could buy a laptop. And install games or theme maker– taking advantage of technology with a high speed internet lol. How I wish today was like everyday!

I would also like to focus on writing clearly. It takes time but by practising a lot who knows I might write soon a straight to the point article or post. Lol.

Another tip to myself is challenging myself with another game. This sounds creepy but I like to pretend that I will die in 5 years and I have to be rich before I die. lol. I act with impulse So I added a little pressure. (Because i didnt say i will die tomorrow lol). Of course theres this system in my head (sorry I havent written it down. But I am relying with keywords which I recite to remember.

To earn money is first to have a job. And I also had to test myself by applying what I have read in an online class about money management. It’s tough though. But I am in a roleplaying game. I pretend that I want to become rich. And since I love playing games I am in! LOL. sounds crazy but it is more appealing than the reality that I am close to midlife crisis and still havent got a property lol.

We have different strategies in approaching life’s struggles so I am not saying my strategies will apply to all, maybe for some as silly as me. If it doesn’t work then Ill have to find another strategy– which I consider another game. Of course I have to reward myself for the good outcome. And in order to to that I have tl remind myself of the key word: job. lol

P.s. my videocall conference has been moved to 4:30. So i have plenty of time to prepare! And i even finished a post! So congratulations to me!

And the title says distraction. Well life is full of distractions. I admit i forgot something I wish to mention. Because as I write I am kind of distracted myself. But this distraction is also a form of review. Remember that distractions are related to functions, you just have to keep your mind open and continue your exploration. I dont know who said that. Maybe it was me! 😆

You had one task.

This is a diary of a undiagnosed ADHD patient.

In my prevous posts I self-diagnosed myself with ADD. Time has passed and I am proud of myself because I learned the importance of headings when writing an article. But this is not an article though. It states on the headline that it’s a diary, duh! lol.

Regardless of that proud moment I am writing with a heavy heart. Not that someone or something died but because something is alive. And kicking! It is one of my major problems knocking again in the time of pandemic. AND IT KNOCKS REALLY HARD because i don’t have a job right now. Lol.

Today i will try to focus on my lack of focus. LOL. Funny because it came up to me dressed perfectly ready to attack me and my dear future. It happened when I decided to focus on reviewing for an upcoming exam to get me working overseas. It started two months ago, and to think of the progress well obviously I failed. That’s when I started to see that I may need professional help to see if I had a problem.

During March i thought about a lot of things: looking for a job online, setting up a small business, upgrading my heroes on genshin impact and ranking up on mobile legends with the help of strong teammates. Lol. What about the review? I did some and did well. (Two tests) and the rest were video tips. I had to congratulate myself for finishing an hour video for i have my personal limit of watching videos. Just 20 mins or less.

On April I had the opportunity to become an article writer and I thought it would help me on my review because they are somewhat related. And interrelated to my dream job as well. I gave it a go and tried my best, spending six hours straight for nothing. I am not a professional writer. Though the team in the workplace were very helpful, I decided to quit because I felt that I cannot cope with it. I wasnt being negative. But to spoon feed you with the guides you all need and I insisted to use a fork is a no-no.

To put it simply, I lacked focus in everything I did. From review to chores and other simple tasks. I also remembered my subscription on totallyadd (heyyy i know how to hyperlink lol) and somehow felt inspired and motivated that it’s not the end of the world yet. I read my favourite friday funnies and their articles. And fuck, why do I relate to their articles when I wasnt even diagnosed yet?

So in the course of two months in between the struggle in completing my tasks, (my struggle in the video game completions included but it has another story lol) I started looking for a consultation online regarding my probable ADD. I had one last month but it was only a free consultation and the psychologist tried to rule out early onset dementia. lol what the fuck? My family was aware of the consultation and my sister said i didn’t focus on what should i focus on. Lmao. So let us not blame the person who ruled out that effin dementia. OKAY. i looked for more consulation sites and decided on the lowest price. BUT since i lacked focus, congratulations, I landed a paid consultation today at seven pm. I have many things to do and think about but I am thankful to this opportunity which I had done and decided on my own (a round of applause please!) I just hope this goes well. Because I couldn’t start on preparing on what I had planned until i talk to a professional. In fact i started the day with a bang because I never played a single videogame since morning up until now. Instead I finished a 1 hour video review. It was a good start not until a family member of mine talked to me about decision making and clearing that they wanted me to get a job. Because focusing on review isnt sustainable financially. Also, i forgot it already. Because i took a large sip of coca cola. Lol.

The job issue is different. There was a misunderstanding with communication. I am kind of a robot, so i work best with a single keyword or phrase. Job. No money. That is what i am thinking about right now.

So to sum up everything, i lacked focus in everything. But before I get working on the key words, I will focus on my consultation. Because relying on a probable disorder without confirmation from a professional gives me anxiety. From small tasks to landing a job and even quests from videogames to having a family of my own etc.. it blows the shit out of my brain.

So what i need to do today is relax and hope that everything will be settled before the end of this day.

I guess i have said what I wanted to tackle. I will update this blog with the results. I just hope I dont forget my schedule and that I have a blog. Lol. That’s what alarms are for. 😄

Escape.

Obviously  i am writing this during working hours. All i can say is i’ve been distracted since birth? Lol. I mean i am aware on what i should do but i couldn’t find the time to do it. I had a seesaw of emotions since morning- from feeling great to feeling down and then back to feeling great again. Sounds silly, innit? But i was just affected with what a friend told me. Sorry to admit this but im still not done with Rigel. Good thing my bff’s busy. She would understand. Let me explain this to anyone or whoever scans this note. I write things because they are like a coin. Something with two sides: happy and unnecessary. Or unpleasant. 

I am sure my sentences aren’t constructed very well. So i am skipping to next paragraph. I am very much sure that in this case, i write to annihilate everything i felt for this person. I wouldnt deny that i was happy. Honestly, the happiest if someone would ask me, and to make it more accurate strangely happy. So the morning went well. Even though i was filled with questions the excitement and happiness had taken over my mood. (Pardon for the wrong grammar) until I Consulted this trusted friend who told me to stop. (I need not elaborate). Do not get me wrong. I may be emotional deep inside, but i never let my emotions win. There are times when i want to cry while listening to music like enjoying every bit of drama, but hey i feel alright afterwards. I couldnt even read the old posts about him because of embarrassment. And the fact that my feelings had gotten deeper. My friend had a point. I had to stop seeing him. But then later on the day i concluded that i just let things happen. I made a deal. And i might get into bouts of what-ifs or i wish’s but at the end of the day it will become crystal clear. 

Third paragraph. Obviously my mind is distorted right now. Im already home. My emotions are trying to take over my senses and i have to use logic to overcome them. I used logic just this afternoon. It didnt do me good. So the last resort would be faith. Lol. I guess ill just hold onto faith. 

Why aren’t you successful yet?

Whoa. The title is simply overwhelming. Lol. Again, excuse me for my grammar. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. I’ve been jobless for more than two years. I am here to explain myself or rather make an excuse on what has happened to me. LOL. And i can’t believe I stared at the computer for five minutes before writing this particular sentence. If you would picture my PC, I have 7 open tabs, where two sites are the same.and the other one is my email where I got the link of the two. Yes, I’ve been working on my passwords. I am only going to use one password for every account. My password isn’t that strong, so it can be hacked. but nobody is interested in hacking my account because i have no bank linked to my account lol.

Alright. how do i start? let’s begin with personality tests. All my life, ever since i knew how to use the computer I have been taking personality tests, to the point I have taken most of them I even took personality disorder tests. LOL. When I was in high school, My sister printed a MBTI test and i got the Champion. (enfp). When i grew older and started working, it changed to ENTP/ INTP. but recently, i’ve become a consistent INTP. Wow. Einstein. LOL. If you will read about the INTP, it will fascinate you because the INTP is a genius. but wait, what if your IQ isn’t special? just normal. I am raising my right hand. Yes, dear? Yup. I am all about the negative INTP. lol. I allotted my free time for about an hour reading about the negative side of the INTP. So many ideas, in fact you get lost on one idea for days and you don’t finish anything. lol. My idea is so grand i think nobody can help me. but wait, what about my other ideas that are equally great? So you get lost until you find something interesting until you become disinterested and the cycle goes on. And while I am typing this post I am answering another MBTI test hoping my personality type will change. LOL. Ive read about the ENTJ and according to research they are the most successful, highest paid employees. LOL. But again, that’s just some survey.

Alright. i have finished the tests and it said:

• You love ideas, theories, and complex concepts
• You analyze things logically and objectively
• You are independent, unconventional, and do not care what others think
• You think like a scientist and question everything
• You have little patience for people who are intellectually inferior

It is obviously an INTP, but i need to sign up to get my full results. LOL. so i won’t share the link. hahahaha.

So if i focused on the positive sides of the INTP i could do better. Right now, I am imagining that I am only interested in one thing. That is making blog templates and selling them online. I already added the how-to on bookmarks. together with 10+ i added but never opened. lol.

Alright, the following paragraph is a very detailed description of me: of course i’ll provide the link. because i think it’s worth checking and is waaay funny for me.

INTP: The Egghead

The typical INTP is a logical, abstract thinker whose intellect is ideally suited to understanding pure mathematics, linguistics, formal logic theory, and other pursuits unsuited to making a real living. The INTP can often understand even the most subtle nuances of lattice quantum chromodynamics, but cannot perform more concrete tasks such as dressing himself, operating a motor vehicle, or opening a door. An INTP may be able to tell you how to construct a nuclear reactor from a coconut and two pieces of string, but may be completely incapable of fixing a hole in a boat.

The INTP is really only suited to two careers: college professor and game show contestant. Of these career choices, only one offers the financial rewards which allows him to suport himself; for that reason, INTPs often take the other path, and become tenured academics.

RECREATION: Surprisingly, INTPs are often the hit of the party–not for their sometimes annoying habit of turning every discussion into a debate about semantics nor for their fascinating stories about Pierre de Fermat’s habit of writing things in the margins of his books, but for the fact that they often show up with their pants on backwards and that if you put a Post-It note reading “Kick Me” on an INTP’s back, he won’t notice it no matter how many people kick him. That kind of entertainment never gets old.

COMPATIBILITY: INTPs make ideal companions to INTJs, as neither of them notices they’re in a relationship.

Famous INTPs include Pierre de Fermat and almost everyone who knows what Pierre de Fermat wrote in the margins of his book.

https://www.xeromag.com/fun/personality.html

P.s: i don’t know who Pierre de Fermat is, but i think he’s already dead. LOL. hey, but come to think of it, it is clear that the INTP is a real genius. nevermind. let’s get to another test.

Because I am a genius according to MBTI, i diagnosed myself (and I don’t need professional diagnosis because I AM A FUCKING GENIUS) lol, just kidding. i have no money. that’s it.

http://totallyadd.com/do-i-have-add/totally-add-quiz/

I took this test and voila! it said i have ADD. i signed up for their newsletter and i find it cool, interesting and of course i could relate to it. Looking back, when i was studying, I really couldn’t focus on what I’m doing. I play different games, chat with my friend, and enrolled for a free tech course which i just remembered now. LOL. to think that I am not rich. imagine my life as a book, tear up all the pages and leave just 2 pages. those torn (EMFMG= excuse me for my grammar! lol) pages were the opportunities i have missed. My best friend, sister, or some close friends would say: If i were you i could’ve gone so far. maybe it’s true. If they don’t have ADD and the negative INTP. lol. I am not dumb. (Or maybe i am if someone would debunk my personality test theories) lol. I have a 4 year degree course and some other relevant courses which if you will input to another person’s credentials they would probably rich by now.

So what the hell is wrong with me? how do i focus?. which should i prioritize? what do i want in life? Since i am aware of my problems, maybe i would succeed someday, not as quick as most people. i have light years while they have the regular time. LOL. i just reread the paragraph above and forgot to mention the two pages left on my book. that’s my birth and my death respectively. lol.

See you on my next misadventure episode.

another P.s: i haven’t written what i intended to write. it would probably make my argument better lolololol nevermind. another realization of mine: i only wrote about 20 percent of what i want to say. hahahahaha