all’s swell that ends swell.

it’s been a while. i never thought that i’d be updating this blog since i was or should be busy. (excuse me for the wrong grammar.. thanks lol) while typing i can feel my right ring finger ache. well, in my last post i told you there’s an upcoming good news. it was the opposite. and i don’t want to tackle about my crush because i am paranoid that someone will find out who am i talking about. even my family doesn’t know about this blog. well no one knows that i have this blog. (hopefully). out of paranoia i removed the link of this blog from my old blog. lol. lololololol. and im not sure if writing here is a good thing. because i intended to review for my upcoming exam. hahahahahaha. maybe i have accepted the fact that i’m going to fail class. WHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i’ll just have to be prepared for the future. the irony of my blog title. this i-just-can’t-get-enough feeling of wanting to see myself fail again. i know what i want, yet i don’t push myself to the limits. because i don’t want to exhaust myself. i never changed. again, im still the person i knew ten years ago. i know people get tired of hearing me whine and complain—i am going to cut my reklamos muna. LOL. i got excited because Charlie Puth is coming to Manila! hahahahahaha! my mum is a big fan! okay enough of the drama. i live for the moment! and whatever we do in life…we shouldn’t blame it on others. so im going to update this blog soon. i will tell you how it feels to fail. and add another lapse to my ultimate dream. hahahahaha

Time management

time check: 11:21 pm.

  • i have no time to whine
  • hello html on the upper right hand corner of my monitor.
  • Just had an epiphany after talking to a close friend.
  • didn’t do any homeworks because of the statement above.
  • yet i still gave time to write a blog post
  • felt im on the right track
  • i dont know why. Lol
  • sometimes overconfidence pulls you down.
  • I have prepared my excuse for that.
  • I wonder if my crush knows this blog
  • maybe not. Hahahahaha
  • i wish he would find it.
  • Maybe i’ll send it to him after i have verified that i will never see him again.
  • He will not be interested.
  • Im a sucker for the impossible.
  • My grammar sucks
  • i am still confused when it comes to annalyzing my feelings.
  • Because feelings aren’t meant to be annalyzed.
  • i take that back.
  • Mental block.
  • i am feeling hyper
  • like something good is about to happen
  • maybe it’s the opposite because i havent done my homework.
  • i wwnna thank myself for the entertainment
  • i have my motto: happiness is where i am
  • so this post is happiness.
  • im somewhat excited dor tomorrow.
  • I will tell you about the updates.
  • i am hungry.
  • Writing in bullet form is fun
  • true: when you really want something, you spend time to do something about it
  • I hate school.
  • I love blogging.
  • find the wrong grammar.
  • There’s a true in the sentence,
  • what will happen to me tomorrow?
  • ……….
  • Good night!
  • not bad. It’s just 11:38 :))

Holy Week (when the demons’ powers are strongly elavated)

Hiya! Just updating this blog to let you know that I’m still alive. Lol. I kinda have mixed emotions. I used to fear holy week when i was a student. Because i could feel the power of the underworld dominating–inside my mind. Well i have found the remedies to it, actually: just work on holidays. But since im a student again, i am looking forward to an epic battle between me and the devil. Lolololololol. Buuuut, i have my powers now. Physical powers to describe them. Gadgets: phone, nintendo, ps vita, laptop to combat the emptiness and the boredom where the devil likes to lurk. Hahahahahahaha. I dont wanna state all my plans regarding studying because i failed two or more of my IT subjects. Im taking it easy. I dont have plans stressing myself.

 

And i was quite flattered when i checked my notifications: random strangers liked my posts. Lol. Maybe because they could relate or simply they were bored and laughed a little at my silly posts. Anyways, thanks people. The last time i wrote was about the guy i sort of like. Yeah. Bad news is i still like him. In fact he’s my ideal man. Lol. Sometimes i wonder if it ever occured to him. That some weirdo, talentless underachiever who laughs like its doomsday has a crush on him. 😂😂😂😂😂😂. Hahahahaha. I feel funny. You know im not a teen ager anymore. But to quote from my old blog “it feels like i have won the lottery somehere outside the universe” when he talks to me. Crap. I am just enjoying the feeling. I feel happy and embarrassed at the same time while i am typing these words. Lolololololol. Too bad i haven’t heard a word from him. He’s also not a facebook person so i have no idea where he is or what he’s doing. Lol. Maybe chilling with his family. Im not sure if he’s a catholic. Probably because he came from a catholic school. Lol. Anyways,  i have this strange feeling again that something’s gonna happen. Something nice to be exact. Im not expecting anything from my ideal man. Maybe i’ll just finish episode 37 and it would be epic. Epic-sode! Lol i kinda missed writing. I like my story because it relates to me. All of the characters actually relate to me. To describe the first three characters or protagonists: the first one is highly determined because it’s his dream to become an sw. Go figure out what’s an sw. Lol. But he lacks skills and is very behind in his studies. I just realized (though i have written the concept first before i enrolled at uni lol) that were very similar. That’s why i enrolled at this uni to become GD which is my ultimate dream. Hahahahaha! The next character is someone who has talents and abilities but is to lazy to give effort so he doesnt take his course seriously. He’s busy on ther things such as escaping. Hahaha. I relate to his laziness and tactics but i think he’s more talented than me. Lol. The third character is highly motivated because she thinks she will find love at school. Its just soooo me. Motivated to come to school early because of ideal man. 😂😂😂. OMG. Lol. Well for both parties, i think i have more control over my story than my life. Hahahahaha. Or if coincidentally whatever i write on my story will eventually happen in real life, wellthanks man! Hahahaha! I miss IM soooo bad i even pray for him to come into my dreams! Hahahahah! How can he be so blind! I think we could build a strong empire together!!!!! Hahahahaha! Im waiting for my feelings to fade. Because there are certain factors that are pi. Constant i mean. There’s status, well status isnt constant. Okay. Age. Buwahahahahahaha! But i think he’s kainda mature and we have the same likes? And his words— i couldnt believe the sweetest sentence i have ever heard– came from him. My greatest motivations or words of wisdom before i met him well, came from me.. Then from dad then from my bestest best friend. But now, he had no idea he said the words (whether he means it or not) which fueled the flame in my heart enough for me to fight for a lifetime. NAKS! Giataaaaay! I have close friends at school. But they never said that to me. Lol.  Anyways because im motivated today i think i will finish episode 37. And i have to thank my ideal man for that. Thank him for reminding me that im on the right track.

You need to write….

Ive been repeating adele’s all i ask. I never intended to write but i guess this is my only outlet to feel better. I have been busy since i started school. And just looking at my saved sites i feel more stressed. Gui, oop, lol. What urged me to write? Well. First of all, thank heavens no one knows this blog. As bad as it may sound, i have to cope with people i don’t like. Yep. No, they didn’t Harm me. Its just (no apostrophes because its late and im dead tired) i dont like them. I tried to appreciate their good side but the feeling is just awkward. I can’t pretend and mask my annoyance in front of the people i dont like. You know the juciest part of my story? Well, i sort of like someone desperately. Yes, i know when i write something i want to happen– it will never happen. I dont know. Well maybe because i already gave up. Okay. So i tried every possible way to be  with that person, and i did without being too obvious. But his circle, well…. Theyre The people who annoy me. 😂😂😂. Very funny. Well i guess its better to forget all about it.  Maybe the passion i felt for him wasnt enough so i decided to back out. Well honestly there are other options. But my pride said, why not focus on the things you like alone. You dont need to compete, nor pretend. Yet at the back of mind it sounds quite challenging. I already weighed the consequences though. I dont wanna be separated with my lovely friends. Spending time with him will lessen my good times with friends. It would also cost me money. Aaand time. I live far from their location. I feel strange because their concept- is what i have been daydreaming these past few weeks. So i guess ill just have to work alone. Focus on my stories. Play videogames. ALONE. Imagine the stress it caused me? Lots of caffeine and nicotine. So i just have to accept that this plan wouldnt work. And move on. I feel embarrassed. I think God just shook his head again and said, my dear daughter. Youre still inconsistent. Lol. So i guess i will leave it up to him. Anyways theres still one thing im consistent about. My projects. Lol. My videogame/ animation. I just have to be careful about the outside stimuli. I better check if theyre an inspiration or distraction. I feel like im just a high school student. Lol. Well lets see tomorrow. Im not sure if i would write an update. I just hope i dont act… Oops. Satan is waiting. Sorry satan. You wont win this time. Lol. Its now 12:03. Lol. If i didnt wake up early i wont go to school. Btw im not sure if id pass my subjects. Oh dear. Im still the person i knew ten years ago. Whahahahahahahahaahah.

travel.

again, excuse me for the wrong grammar. i have no editor and i don’t edit my blog posts. as if anyone reads this. LOL. In my 29 years of existence i have seen my friends and acquaintances’ lives thru facebook. I am not a fan of facebook. I want it to be taken down because– it annoys me. LOL. it annoys me to think that there’s a representative of myself in the cyberworld. anyways, most of my facebook friends ranging from ages25 to 34 are having the time of their lives: having a family of their own, traveling, etc. I have been to London but since i came back to the Philippines i have never traveled at all. why? because i’m broke. It’s not an excuse. Okay, here’s another excuse. I am very bad at directions. I’m not a good travel companion because he/she would feel like taking a kid with tantrums during travel. sounds exaggerated but that’s what i feel. And another excuse would be i would love to travel with the right people. Excuse me? that is a very rude answer especially when some of my friends who invited me to travel finds out. Or as my retard friend would say, you are not adventurous. you just love the indoors. maybe he’s right. I have no time to travel. I only love unlocking different worlds from plants versus zombies 2. i have gone through several worlds in it. LOL. and upgrading my elixir collectors and gold mines on clash of clans. what a nerd. I actually prefer playing games on my nintendo ds but i lost my charger. and i have finished mario although i haven’t unlocked the two secret worlds. sigh. i can’t believe that i am still living in the world of imagination. it’s a choice, i guess. i’m happier in this form of leisure.

I am an introvert. how come i have made lots of acquaintances and friends ? because of interests. but these people dont really know me . they just see the crust and the mantle but not the core. nevermind. they only approach me when they need to tell something significant in their lives, or need an advice. most advises i have given were about relationships. a single, emotionally unstable person giving love advice. lololololol. should i feel bad about this? yes i feel bad. but maybe it’s how they feel about me. i don’t know. it’s none of my business anyway.

i had this writing urge several times but i tried to ignore it because i’m lazy. whahahahaha. but this time i decided to write because i feel empty. I feel guilty as a Christian because if you have God in your life, you feel complete. i know. maybe i should contemplate more, and fight this mental battle by thinking positively. ignore that emptiness. you know if i have got all the money, i would get a regular brain scan to see if my brain’s changing every time i feel down. i want to see the physical aspect of my brain. lol. anyways, since i have a lot of my time i would just focus on writing on my stories. lol. i am thankful i have my stories because they make me feel good. alive and kicking. see you later.

twin flame (halo-halo)

1. ok. i think i will change the title later. it’s been a while since i last posted on here. i’m still a bum so why not update? lololololol. i have a good news for myself. it’s my first time to win a contest lolololol! it was on instagram. i did a little effort. the theory why i won was maybe because no one joined? hahahaha! i will receive a gift writing pack, and a free afternoon tea with the writer AA Patawaran. well it’s my chance to ask for some advice. well i always asked advice from different people. all they told me was to write all the time. read and write. I’m somewhat excited about the writing gift pack.

2. I had a strange dream two days ago. it was weird. before i went to sleep I was reading Linda goodman’s sunsigns.  (an astrology book lol) i have been reading that at national bookstore when i was a student. to the point the guard shooed me. (by the way the contest i won is tied up with national bookstore. hahahaha) i was reading about the VIRGO man. i don’t know but im a diehard virgo fan. maybe because it’s the opposite sign of pisces. and my rising sign gemini is strange attractors with virgo. so  after that i went to bed. (i sleep on the sofa) lol. and i was instantly transported to dreamland. and it was the end of the world. i was with my aunt (who’s a virgo) and there’s a mob inside our subdivision entrance trying to hold hands with us. we escaped and then I was with Jesus Christ. I held his hand and checked that I wasn’t on the verge of sinning. Then i pointed far away.. a statue of him and I told him. OH, we werent supposed to worship that. then the statue melted. Then i pointed to the sky and saw the small dipper. and there was a shooting star. i forgot what i wished for. lol. and in the middle of the dream i kept on checking my smule if i had recorded my jealous duet with some random smule user. and in the background was the song jealous by Nick Jonas. and then I woke up. and i thought well.. maybe Jesus was a virgo. because my dream theme is Virgo. and to my surprise, when I checked Nick Jonas’s sun sign it was also Virgo. lolololol. so see? it was really all about Virgos.

3. i still don’t know what to do with my life. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I should be looking for a job. but i want to study again. well i never stopped writing on my crappy children stories. lol. they’re crap because i cant make money out of them, but these stories really make me happy. you know the feeling of pure joy and contentment? lololol.

4. last night my sister and i talked about Twin flame. it’s more like a soulmate. but what differentiates them is soulmates could only be a relative, a friend or whoever. so a twin flame means your other half. we discussed about how do you meet your twin flame.

a. you met unexpectedly- check

b. you could talk for long hours- check

c. it seems that you two have known each other for a long time even if you have just met. – check

d. you have the same tastes. -check

e. etc. – check (too lazy to write all the points)

so the question is? have i found my twin flame? the answer is no. lol. why? because all categories fell under different people. one each. hahahahahaha. for example, i loved elvis when i was young. the only person i know who loved elvis in the same timeline was bruno mars. whahahahahah. oh, rubbish! im not sure about my twin flame because I have a large variety of interests, which dont usually mix. like anime, nintendo and ayn rand. lol. and astrology, palmistry, religion and personal research. sometimes i feel like two different persons in one body. yeah, it’s a personality disorder. lolololololol. im afraid of losing my mind. hahahahaha. i hate how the world works. (the physical: money, sex and violence) well violence in videogames is ok. though i prefer mario. (killing a goomba by just jumping on it hahahahahaha) i love the big bang theory and family guy. i like adventure stories with boy protagonists. k enough of my boring self.

5. one of my best friends is getting married. (some of them already have their own families. ) and im going to be the maid of honor. cool. but i dont think i will be getting married. im not being pessimistic about it. im just being sarcastically realistic. lololololol. I mean, getting married is once in a lifetime. so would you get married even if you can’t get married the way you want to? whahahahahahaha. my dream wedding is a musical. because i love singing and dancing. so it should be a mini concert or something. i want a unique wedding. a remarkable one. (at least I will never forget it for the rest of my life) but i have got tons of problems regarding my dream wedding. 1. no groom. that’s the main problem. whahahahahahahaha. im not in a relationship. i dont have a twin flame. and if ever my possible groom comes. i dont think he will like the idea of a musical wedding. i bet he’s a talent-less person. lol. because im attracted to simple guys. those who are very normal. boring. lol. well let’s not judge the person. or maybe i should work hard so i could afford to invite my favourite singers to my wedding. hahahahaha. dream on!!!!!!

ok enough of my rants. i think i would just listen to youtube. or play criminal case. i havent been able to upload my written episodes because mee no wifi. lol. see you later!

UMPISA

hello, reader! (i am talking to myself, lol) here’s a fact: when i read my blog posts i always think that i’m not the person who wrote the posts so i’m here to remind myself about certain points about this new blog:

1. forget the grammar. as an aspiring writer, grammar is essential. but im not very good in english. i thought living in London will make my english skills better but i was wrong.

2. i’m not organized. that’s why i have high chances of flopping at writing contests, submissions, etc.

3. i prefer writing my thoughts rather than the physical world. (last night i wrote about what happened and felt bored that’s why i just saved it as a draft)

4. my blogs are always full of rants. (false hopes, broken dreams, confusion, longing etc. ) LOL

5. I always have a guest which appears (i didnt use “who” because my guest isnt a person. lol) occasionally on my blogs. it’s name is question man. i secretly liked being interviewed but since no one is interested to ask me questions i would like to hear, question man was born. whahahahahaha

6. i have a london blog. there’s no point in updating it because im not there anymore.

7. i dont post to be heard, impress, make pacute, otherwise this blog is pointless. lololololol. i just love to write!!!!!!! because the conversations with the people around me  are not enough.

8. im MEAN. not median or mode . lololololol. i am brutally honest, sarcastic, etc. and the results are: failed social relationships. lololololololol

9. when i cant control my emotions and i want to pour my heart in my blog i write in tagalog. whahahahahahah. mahirap na nga buhay pahihirapan mo pa. easy lang pre.

10. my posts are rated PG. hindi patay gutom. kundi poverty galore. lolololololol

11. i also occasionally mention satan on my blog posts. im not a fan of satan but he’s a fan of mine. lololololol. wag kang matakot kapatid! lahat ng mabubuti ay nilu lure ni satanas, di ako ganon kabuti but how would you explain the negative thoughts and actions in the world? from the human mind? yoko nga. gusto ko positive lang. kaya nga satanas eh. greek word ng opposer. in tagalog oposisyon. whahahahahaha.

12. people call me baliw. and i call them matino.

i could write ten more points but i would like to fast forward to my topic. lolololol. that’s not the reason why its called fastforwardtofuture. in fact, im soo happy with the present i keep on forgetting about the future. lolololololol. ay, may future pala?? and when im in a sulky mode i want the judgement day to come. i just wanted to blog quickly and i think i missed the good things in life.

ok, i was lying. lololol. the real reason behind the title is, when a doctor looked up for my Ba Zi. he said i will become wealthy in my middle age. lololololol. whahahahaha. up to now im still taking it seriously. lol. not really. i just find it funny because it’s somewhat true. but of course i should be starting now. or i should’ve started before. but im not the type of person who plans. i think it really depends on the person. i know some people who had timetables and it worked for them, and i know some who had plans that never turned out well. so in my case id rather not plan seriously except for health purposes. lol. i gave up London life because i had no time to write, and now i lost everything but writing. whahahahahahaha. not really, my family is here. and some of my friends. and by the way. i forgot to mention that i like to talk about myself. A LOT. lol. because no one in this planet understands me. okay maybe there are two or three people that i always pray to be in good health because if they die we will be endangered . lol. so there. so what differentiates me from other species. i will try my best to explain it in English. there’s more to life than life on earth. anu daw? did i just mean there’s life on mars??? lolololololol. nope. we must not forget that even if you reached your whole potential as a human being, remember that we will be judged someday. life isn’t about achievements. its about living a noble life. pano naman ako wala pakong naaachieve na full potential? lolololololol. darating din ako jan. sa 2025. lmao.